WTF IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE?

Gaslighting, 5G, targeting, panic attacks and stroke.

At 4am this morning I was woken by my son, in conversation with his Indonesian online girlfriend. He was screaming, "Come at me bitch!" at the top of his lungs! This is the third time in the recent week that he has shocked me awake shouting at her like this! I don’t know why she tolerates him shouting and swearing at her so much. Their relationship seems very volatile. On and off several times a day!
Her name is Masariah which he pronounces like Miseria. (Oh, the irony!)

The sudden frights trigger flare ups of my stroke symptoms and right now, I am trying to stabilise a major panic attack. Obviously, I could not sleep after that. He has been shouting so loud that he even disturbs the neighbours!

He has been aggressively swearing and shouting since June.
A HUGE personality change!

Some readers may remember that I wrote about him taking a journey from Dorset to the Essex coast, via the motorways in June. He got very disorientated and sick while driving and came home after only two days, looking really rough.

We discussed the possibility that the hundreds of 5G towers along the roadway may have affected him because we keep all wireless devices out of our home and monitor the EMFs, shielding ourselves as much as we can. The sudden impact of 5G may have affected him badly, so I bought him a very expensive EMF protection hoodie to wear as a precaution when he is driving. He went to visit a friend in Glasgow after that and seemed to be unaffected during the drive. It was money well spent - or so I thought.

MEANWHILE….

My online friend, journalist Ramola D, was dragged off (by the Quincy, Massachusetts police) for a mental health assessment over Christmas last year. It happened again at Easter and (worst of all) her husband AGREED that she was crazy. I tried to keep email contact going but she didn’t reply.

Targeting is plausibly denied by our governments, but we all know that it goes on.
I wrote about how it is used to silence dissent in the UK here:

Political abduction and targeting is very damaging and (if we mention it to a doctor or report it to police) we risk getting hauled off to an asylum, like Ramola!

Her story is harrowing:

She was forcefully drugged in that hospital and her family did not stand by her. They were convinced that she was crazy because she was trying to protect herself from EMF radiation by employing cooking sheets and foil to shield herself within her home. She is now fighting to get a false mental illness diagnosis removed from her record and the police abduction investigated by her local authorities. They are not cooperating. Her reports on the whole debacle can be found on her website here: https://everydayconcerned.net/ramola-dreports/

The amount of targeting that is going on right now is horrific. You only have to read a few posts on Len Ber MD’s Substack account to know that this is not delusional fantasy. Many people are affected, gang-stalked and harassed both physically and electronically.

FURTHERMORE…

I think we dissident writers are isolated from the general public in this online ghetto we call Substack. Does the 'sub' part of the name really mean subordinate? Maybe subject, maybe sub-human? What if it means substandard? Or submission?
Are we being stacked up, out of touch with the general population?
Have we been corralled and picked off one by one?
Is Substack an online concentration camp? A cyber prison?
Do you see our posts appearing on other social media?
I don’t.

ARE WE CONDEMNING OURSELVES BY WRITING ON THIS PLATFORM?

Since that car journey in June my unvaxxed, carer/son has turned into a screaming monster who is constantly gaslighting me and blaming me for imaginary sins. Everything bad that ever happened in his life is (apparently) MY fault. He has stopped helping me around the home.

I have lost count of how many meals I have missed because he sleeps all day and stays up all night, talking and giggling with his online girlfriend, who lives in Indonesia so, obviously, her days are his nights.

When he does remember to shop and cook, it is slung together resentfully, sometimes at midnight, while he abuses me verbally from the kitchen. He gaslights me, saying that my genuine concern is actually criticism and I am always arguing with him! He says that he is scared to go into the kitchen because I am finding fault with him - but, if I don’t keep an eye on things, he forgets what he is doing and wanders back to his room leaving everything to burn!

He is threatening to leave.
He applied for his passport.
He says he is going to Indonesia to marry this girl he met online!

Without him I am truly unable to cope. The truth is that I cannot stand for more than a few moments and I get very breathless whatever I try to do. I breathe okay only when sitting down or lying in bed.

I can't ask for help from any charitable agency or doctor because they will whisk me into an institution, hospice or care home to be beamed with EMFs and medicated with Midazolam and Morphine into mindless oblivion starvation and death. Their diagnosis of me would be terminal because I have emphysema and oedema which caused a heart attack and three strokes in the recent few years. I am 71 years young.

Just typing this is causing me to panic more, which also restricts my breathing. This is a vicious circle which increases my vulnerability and stress, but I had to write it because I feel like I would go mad if I don’t.

When I confessed/explained all this to Pasheen, she wisely advised me to sleep lots and:

“STAY CALM...If he leaves it will be ok...likely the best thing. You will find someone to care for you...someone who needs a place to live in exchange for helping you. Put the word out now...even if only in meditation for a day or so...then put it into action, but be confident as you do - not fearful nor panicked. This is a much needed shift, and change. I'm sure of it...Turn your brilliance and power on - power up, girl, and you will attract the perfect situation...you can manifest this from a position of strength...I know you can. You need to trust here...stay centered and let your boy go. He may be resentful too, which might not be helping. Detach...don't respond to anger...solitude... So tragic about Ramola...”

I am very grateful for Pasheen’s caring attitude. I really needed that, but I had to point out that I would have to ask my son to remove all his stuff from my home to be able to offer someone else his room! He can't take it all with him to Indonesia! He has a lot of possessions filling his room and two huge hall cupboards full of tools and paraphernalia too. He also has a car so what would happen to that? 🤨

Also, I don't know anyone who lives here. I moved to a new area just before I was first targeted with some sort of beam weapon aimed at my right kidney when I was at an anti-fracking camp, which was also sprayed by light aircraft with something cloudy and noxious. It would take me a long time to trust a stranger enough to let them into my home and to give them necessary access to my bank account! They would also need to forego their smart phone and be unvaxxed.

These are the very logistics that send me into a panic attack if I try to think about how to handle them! I can't talk to my son about my worries, he starts shouting and screaming at me before I get half a sentence out.... he turns into a bully and a narcissist right before my eyes! So I sit here in silence all day alone, distressed and very depressed.

I hope tomorrow will be better, but it never is.
This has been my reality since June.

Last year, I got worried about keeping a large sum of money (that I had inherited) in the bank. Lots of people were concerned that banks are no longer safe. So my son arranged to buy gold with it. Now he is telling me that it is HIS GOLD, he bought it and I gifted it to him! When I said that was not true, he accused me of lying or memory loss and THEFT. Standard gaslighting. I am sure I did not give it to him as a gift, he has had far too much spoiling from me as it is!

During Zoom or Discord chat calls he tells his online friends (loudly) that I treat him like a slave, that I am the one shouting and screaming! He seems to really believe all this reversed reality! Yet within a few minutes he often begins to swear and shout at them too! He launches into long rants in which he forces his political, health and spiritual beliefs on his friends until they get fed up of it and end the conversation!

So I am not the only one on the receiving end of all this tyranny!

I would be much better off financially if he left, because for 7 years I have been supporting him entirely. He does not pay his way at all. I even buy all his tobacco. Without me, he will get a mighty shock when he has to pay for a home and all the utilities! Especially now that he is not working or claiming benefits.

When he was thrown out of his home by the mother of his four children, I dropped everything to help him and he is now oblivious of all that. I provided him the time, silence and space to study coding. I even contributed a lot of money towards his state of the art expensive computer set up. I bought a Robovac and a dishwasher to save him from doing those time-consuming chores.

He has forgotten how to be 'himself'!

He can't even cook any more! He has forgotten how to do the simplest of things. He perpetually puts things in the wrong places and he forgets where he put them and then accuses me of moving things! Other things have disappeared and remain mysteriously unlocated!

Last night he went shopping and came home with one small bag. It wasn't until 11pm that I got fed up of waiting for dinner and so I went to get some biscuits or anything simple to eat from the kitchen..... there was nothing in the cupboards! It turns out he paid for everything and then left the majority of the shopping in the SHOP!!

It is as if his brain is elsewhere all the time!

We have missed so many meals over the last 5 months that he now looks like a skeleton! He was never exactly fat to begin with.... 😔

He lost a very well paid job in August because (he says) that he told his boss to fuck off. Apparently, that was my fault too! He says that I was putting so much pressure on him that he snapped and had a ‘breakdown’. The odd thing is, he worked from home and I overheard him talking to his boss on Discord chat that day. I did not hear him say ‘fuck off’ - quite the reverse! He was being very polite and respectful to his boss! I think that he has made up a cover story because he failed to meet a deadline and that was why his contract was terminated.

I was very sympathetic at the time and encouraged him to look for another job, but he insists that he doesn’t want to work ‘for other people’ and is starting his own business. He says that he is working on it with his online ‘team’. I have no idea what this team is actually doing, beyond chatting about crypto or gaming and giggling or arguing all through the night, keeping me awake! He complains that he has no real friends and that nobody loves him every time he argues with them!

He berates me for failing to hug him. But who can hug someone who mistreats them? Do you see what I mean? He is not the same man! He used to be so clever, funny, happy, loving and caring.... it is breaking my heart because this skinny guy is not my son. I don’t know him any more!

I MISS MY SON. I WANT HIM BACK.

😔