The Chinese perspective on Ukraine

Told in a rather romantic way!

“More than 20 years ago, Ukraine divorced her ex-husband (Russia), and took several children along with her. Still, the ex-husband was very accommodating to her and left her with a lot of family property. After that, the ex-husband also paid off more than 200 billion in debts for her.

After getting rid of her ex-husband, Ukraine started flirting with the village chief (United States) and his harem of concubines (NATO countries) until she was completely ensnared in their arms. That's still acceptable to a certain point, (but) she was smitten with the village tyrant, and hooked up with him in a plan to attack her ex-husband.

The ex-husband was very angry and had insisted on returning a child: Crimea. Ukraine began to harbour grudges against her ex-husband, and dreamed of someday marrying into the NATO family. But the truth is that the village chief didn't really want to marry Ukraine into the family. After all, she was high-maintenance and loved to pocket his money (corruption). His many wives also didn't want Ukraine to join family, but in front of Ukraine, they were all smiles and encouraging her to join.

The village chief just wanted to use her like a pawn to bully her ex-husband. After 8 years of constant abuse, her two children (Donetsk and Luhansk) were crying and imploring for help from their father. The village chief was always on the side lines in the ex-husband and wife quarrel, occasionally sending in expired items (ammunition) from time to time. Because of that, Ukraine thought she had someone to support her, and became even more presumptuous towards her ex-husband.

The ex-husband could bear it no longer, took another glance at the poor treatment of the children, and rushed over in defence of his two children, so the ex husband and wife started fighting. Now, the village chief and his many wives are cheering on Ukraine from the side lines, yet none of them are willing to lift an actual finger and partake in the fighting themselves. Ukraine is unlikely to marry into the NATO family, because that would mean that the village chief and his many wives would be obliged to join the fight against the ex-husband.”

Hopefully this analogy, copied from Weibo (a Chinese blogging site) helps put the Russo-Ukraine conflict into perspective on a relatable level.

Here is another:

“Before I went to sleep, my wife was complaining to me: "This Russia is such a bad country, if Ukraine wants to join NATO, it is their business and freedom, Russia has no right to intervene. This is just an excuse for Russia to invade Ukraine."

I said nothing, got out of bed and went to the kitchen, before returning to bed with knife in my hand. I told my wife: "Let's go to sleep" Upon seeing the knife, my wife sat up abruptly and looked at me with wide eyes. "What are you doing? Sleeping with a knife?!" she exclaimed.

I replied: "Don’t worry about it, let’s go to sleep. Besides, me sleeping with a knife is none of your business and it is my freedom." My wife said: "You're crazy! How can I sleep when you are lying next to me with a knife? What if you accidentally cut me?"

I replied: “Well, you don’t even trust your own husband, how can you expect Russia to trust Ukraine? Sleeping with a knife is like Ukraine joining the NATO."