Heartbreaking. There is nothing else like heartbreak. Not depression, sadness, regret, disappointment, rejection. It is the actual breaking of the heart, soul, body, and mind.
Ooh! There speaks a voice with experience! You are so right. Nothing that occurred before or since that event has come close to it for impact on me. That is not to say I haven't a lot more to tell in this saga, I certainly do. But nothing has hit me quite that hard since. Maybe I developed a new hardness.... or maybe I never fell in love again. The future episodes will tell the tales....
I have a theory that much of what is diagnosed as senility in older women is really a kind of post traumatic stress syndrome, because unlike you, they never really faced their situations. And it haunts them: the reality of male privilege and all it entails: the dependence, the shattered self-esteem, the insecurity, the lack of agency. Whether your story is fictional or not it is so true of so many marriages. My first marriage was to an idiot who took advantage constantly T.hat was his only claim to achievement- of any kind. But when I left him and made it clear there was no going back, he had his mother, yes, his mother, call me long distance and beg me to stay!. That was my exoneration, if I needed any.
Great writing. All the best. The universe loves you.
I am glad to see so many people finding this story series so cathartic. It obviously stirs up the cobwebs and dusts off the shelves. Your theory about unresolved ptsd is very interesting. Science is busy looking for a physical cause but the truth could be psychological. I had not considered that possibility.
These are the stories that are hardest to write and send out into the world. Although I'm sure you probably moved on and have made better memories, the ones like these are tough to shake. Sending you a big warm hug, Frances.
Oh yes, Barbara! I moved on, got several t-shirts and wore them all to shreds! I crammed so much into the years since then, that I often wonder how I did it all. My personal friends and family have been nagging me to write my story for decades but I was too busy living it to write about it, until now.
I don't think he ever thought about the possibility of me finding out. I had no friends other than his friends. That protected him from gossip. I don't think it occurred to him that Lorraine would be so determined to steal him from me. Someone told me later that she wanted to 'be' me! That blew me away at the time. I had no experience of manipulators like her.
I don't have much spare time and writing this is quite emotionally raw for me. So I am tackling it slowly, producing one chapter a week. xx
Bravo to you! I was in a kind of parallel relationship although we were not married. I discovered him cheating, once to my knowledge, and laughed in his face, I still don't know what caused me to have that reaction. As they say, what's good for the goose... I never thought to throw it back in his face as you did, I just did it and don't regret a minute of it. We didn't last much longer either. To FF in my case is to discover that they all cheat. At least in my experience.
Wow. Sometimes we must strip (or be stripped) down to the bone; resolve, exhaustion, sorrow, shock - in order to take the drastic measures you did by walking out.
There was, however, the slightest measure of trust in him knowing for all his deceit, Tony would allow no harm to come to Dan, Dylan or Nicki.
Betrayal by the most intimate people in our lives is nothing short of emotional homicide. Mind-numbing to consider the level of subterfuge, dishonesty and disrespect.
I suspect most of us have experienced this but unable to describe it in such gut-wrenching detail- as if it were still fresh.
Frances, thanks for sharing. Obviously still so painful- wish we could share a spliff and a pint. 💟✌
Yeah, after doing the final edit of that chapter I was surprised at the photographic memory I had of the whole event. Weeks or months can pass in our lives, leaving a bare trace of a memory but events like that get etched deep somewhere and the scars are only superficially healed. Leastways, that is my impression about them.
Tony did adore his son and our animal friends. He certainly would never have harmed them.
I would love a decent spliff atm but, these days, quality gear is impossible to find in UK. I hate that skunk rubbish you find on the streets.
*Have also been lamenting the disappearance of good old, entry-level weed. This stuff, you can be sure, has been tampered with by Big pHARMa- otherwise it would not be so available. And it's strength is ridiculous; not the least bit enjoyable imo.
I reckon alcohol wasn't working enough to keep the masses down.
your self respect would not let you do anything else, everything must have seemed so bleak, dismal and pointless at that time. been there myself but in slightly different circumstances but I can relate to your story and the way you describe the décor in your home with the stone fire place brings back memory's of the 70's, all those fire place's got so much bigger that they creeped along the wall to shelve the T.V. (home programming/indoctrination machine) and little nooks and crannies for shelves to hold your onyx lighter and ash tray (which you were not allowed to use) or your trendy trill phone https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/mtkAAOSw7ENh~9-p/s-l1600.jpg
Really enjoyed this read because it is very descriptive of the time and holds memory's that I can relate too but on another note also very sad but life is exciting ,sad, dark, bright, painful, emotional and what seems like unfair as anyone with a critical thought process would attest to. Pretty sure there's a good book in there that most would enjoy the up's and downs that relate to their own situation and give them strength in so much as we all get a taste of the good and the bad. Respect & X 2 All
Perhaps not all, I believe some are never truly aware of what they are experiencing and others cant begin to see the similarities in emotional pain and they go through life oblivious to other human frequency's/energy vibrations/ emotional ups & downs but some of us see the same outcomes with different experiences because we have empathy, understanding and unconditional love in our hearts and I feel this when I read S.I.M.L because it is written with all the positives of being aware and with love. Thanks for sharing your experience, it helps us all. Respect & X 2 All
over the years i have come across articles that always have similar headlines about how animals are smarter than scientists think and i always wonder how dumb are these scientists, do they not have pets?
good for you in walking out and showing him how much it hurts
Episode I - https://francesleader.substack.com/p/frances-leader-is-my-birth-name
Episode 2 - https://francesleader.substack.com/p/sunday-in-memory-lane
Episode 3 - https://francesleader.substack.com/p/sunday-in-memory-lane-episode-3
Episode 4 - https://francesleader.substack.com/p/sunday-in-memory-lane-episode-4
Episode 5 - https://francesleader.substack.com/p/sunday-in-memory-lane-episode-5
Episode 6 - https://francesleader.substack.com/p/sunday-in-memory-lane-episode-6
Episode 7 - https://francesleader.substack.com/p/sunday-in-memory-lane-episode-7
And here is Episode 9 - https://francesleader.substack.com/p/sunday-in-memory-lane-episode-9
OMG, Frances. I cannot wait to read Episode, 9.
XOXOXO
Heartbreaking. There is nothing else like heartbreak. Not depression, sadness, regret, disappointment, rejection. It is the actual breaking of the heart, soul, body, and mind.
Ooh! There speaks a voice with experience! You are so right. Nothing that occurred before or since that event has come close to it for impact on me. That is not to say I haven't a lot more to tell in this saga, I certainly do. But nothing has hit me quite that hard since. Maybe I developed a new hardness.... or maybe I never fell in love again. The future episodes will tell the tales....
I have a theory that much of what is diagnosed as senility in older women is really a kind of post traumatic stress syndrome, because unlike you, they never really faced their situations. And it haunts them: the reality of male privilege and all it entails: the dependence, the shattered self-esteem, the insecurity, the lack of agency. Whether your story is fictional or not it is so true of so many marriages. My first marriage was to an idiot who took advantage constantly T.hat was his only claim to achievement- of any kind. But when I left him and made it clear there was no going back, he had his mother, yes, his mother, call me long distance and beg me to stay!. That was my exoneration, if I needed any.
Great writing. All the best. The universe loves you.
I am glad to see so many people finding this story series so cathartic. It obviously stirs up the cobwebs and dusts off the shelves. Your theory about unresolved ptsd is very interesting. Science is busy looking for a physical cause but the truth could be psychological. I had not considered that possibility.
These are the stories that are hardest to write and send out into the world. Although I'm sure you probably moved on and have made better memories, the ones like these are tough to shake. Sending you a big warm hug, Frances.
Oh yes, Barbara! I moved on, got several t-shirts and wore them all to shreds! I crammed so much into the years since then, that I often wonder how I did it all. My personal friends and family have been nagging me to write my story for decades but I was too busy living it to write about it, until now.
You are one strong exemplary woman Frances. 🤗
what did he expect when you found out⛈
must we wait til next week for the next installment 🙏
I don't think he ever thought about the possibility of me finding out. I had no friends other than his friends. That protected him from gossip. I don't think it occurred to him that Lorraine would be so determined to steal him from me. Someone told me later that she wanted to 'be' me! That blew me away at the time. I had no experience of manipulators like her.
I don't have much spare time and writing this is quite emotionally raw for me. So I am tackling it slowly, producing one chapter a week. xx
Bravo to you! I was in a kind of parallel relationship although we were not married. I discovered him cheating, once to my knowledge, and laughed in his face, I still don't know what caused me to have that reaction. As they say, what's good for the goose... I never thought to throw it back in his face as you did, I just did it and don't regret a minute of it. We didn't last much longer either. To FF in my case is to discover that they all cheat. At least in my experience.
💕hugs to you💕
Wow. Sometimes we must strip (or be stripped) down to the bone; resolve, exhaustion, sorrow, shock - in order to take the drastic measures you did by walking out.
There was, however, the slightest measure of trust in him knowing for all his deceit, Tony would allow no harm to come to Dan, Dylan or Nicki.
Betrayal by the most intimate people in our lives is nothing short of emotional homicide. Mind-numbing to consider the level of subterfuge, dishonesty and disrespect.
I suspect most of us have experienced this but unable to describe it in such gut-wrenching detail- as if it were still fresh.
Frances, thanks for sharing. Obviously still so painful- wish we could share a spliff and a pint. 💟✌
¡Besos y abrazos, compañera!
Yeah, after doing the final edit of that chapter I was surprised at the photographic memory I had of the whole event. Weeks or months can pass in our lives, leaving a bare trace of a memory but events like that get etched deep somewhere and the scars are only superficially healed. Leastways, that is my impression about them.
Tony did adore his son and our animal friends. He certainly would never have harmed them.
I would love a decent spliff atm but, these days, quality gear is impossible to find in UK. I hate that skunk rubbish you find on the streets.
*Have also been lamenting the disappearance of good old, entry-level weed. This stuff, you can be sure, has been tampered with by Big pHARMa- otherwise it would not be so available. And it's strength is ridiculous; not the least bit enjoyable imo.
I reckon alcohol wasn't working enough to keep the masses down.
And whatever happened to hashish?
Yup. It's the end of the world!
Keep at it, Fran! 😉
your self respect would not let you do anything else, everything must have seemed so bleak, dismal and pointless at that time. been there myself but in slightly different circumstances but I can relate to your story and the way you describe the décor in your home with the stone fire place brings back memory's of the 70's, all those fire place's got so much bigger that they creeped along the wall to shelve the T.V. (home programming/indoctrination machine) and little nooks and crannies for shelves to hold your onyx lighter and ash tray (which you were not allowed to use) or your trendy trill phone https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/mtkAAOSw7ENh~9-p/s-l1600.jpg
https://youtu.be/5jwGksT9tlc
Really enjoyed this read because it is very descriptive of the time and holds memory's that I can relate too but on another note also very sad but life is exciting ,sad, dark, bright, painful, emotional and what seems like unfair as anyone with a critical thought process would attest to. Pretty sure there's a good book in there that most would enjoy the up's and downs that relate to their own situation and give them strength in so much as we all get a taste of the good and the bad. Respect & X 2 All
Thanks for this comment! We have all been there, huh?
Perhaps not all, I believe some are never truly aware of what they are experiencing and others cant begin to see the similarities in emotional pain and they go through life oblivious to other human frequency's/energy vibrations/ emotional ups & downs but some of us see the same outcomes with different experiences because we have empathy, understanding and unconditional love in our hearts and I feel this when I read S.I.M.L because it is written with all the positives of being aware and with love. Thanks for sharing your experience, it helps us all. Respect & X 2 All
Unrelated to the content but I bet you will like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwNbx48OSfc
please delete this comment once you get the link
you’ve got the ‘rona
can’t you see how you sniffle and sneeze?
oh no you’ve got the co-co-co-co-ro-ona
(just don’t say it’s caused by 5G)
over the years i have come across articles that always have similar headlines about how animals are smarter than scientists think and i always wonder how dumb are these scientists, do they not have pets?
good for you in walking out and showing him how much it hurts
God, yeah, my cats know how I feel before I do.
Frances, this is heart wrenching. I know you speak of Tony later on and you must have gone back for Dan.
You write beautifully too
Jo
Yeah, it got complicated! I am very happy you like my writing! xx