I am doing everything I can to control pain. It would help if I could locate it more precisely, but it feels as if it extends throughout my entire being. It isn’t excruciating. It is more like a dull perpetual ache and I know it is there, because sometimes it breaks free from my iron grip and releases in a sudden involuntary sob which catches me by surprise.
I have sought the source of it through meditation and I have wrestled with it when it engulfs me in my quiet moments.
It is a sadness, not for myself, but for us….. all of us.
It is a sadness fed by images and words that invade my consciousness from this laptop.
I often remember, with great nostalgia, the last time I lived my life without an internet connection.
I was on my fruit farm, off-grid in the foothills of the Sierra de Gredos, surrounded by the trees and animals for whom I worked full time. My life was repetitive, simple and all I did was respond to that which was in front of me in the moment. There was always something to do or think about. Something to invent or change. I rose to the challenges one by one and my rewards were intangible but precious observations of my trees and animals reaping the benefits of my efforts.
That was 14 years ago.
Since then I have lost all of that. I made a huge mistake. I panicked when the 2008 financial crash took away my meagre income from teaching English and I sold the farm, scurried back to England only to watch my interest in life dwindle as quickly as my bank balance. My precious furry friends died of old age, all within the same fateful year and I was left alone, aimless and hopeless.
There have been many times in my past, that I have had to pick myself up from rock bottom. This time, I had no reason to be anywhere in particular, so I immersed myself in the world I found through my laptop screen. I found social media. I quickly became addicted to it. It filled my days and it inspired me to learn about people and places and things……
BUT - does it make me happy?
At this point I have to refer you back to the song and the first paragraphs of this post.
I will leave it at that, dear readers.
We live, we love, we throw things away, Love again is all I can say.
Remember the internet is an endless void and all that we can really ever do is leave messages for those that come after us,
for the next generation of rebels and leaders to ponder and react to.
We all put our heart and soul into our works. We care, we desire, we want the world to change but the world needs to first catch up to our ideas, knowledge and plans. All we can do is be the change which we desire.
Many people need to practise what they preach and slowly their bravery and courage will lead others to follow
The man on the mountain has a great view of where everyone is heading he can see it all clearly but when he comes down to explain what he has seen people will ignore and ridicule him or hate him for knowing the plan so clearly for they cannot see the path themselves, or they do not recognize the game that is being played on them by their fellow man.
We have seen what happens when we come together and speak the truth. We have seen how fragile the world is and they will ridicule us forever as they do not see what we see, they only do as they are told and enjoy their enslavement.
And know that you are loved and cherished and seen and heard